Mom-in-law levels creepy photograph shoots with daughter.

Our recommendation columnists have heard it all around the years. Every Sunday, we dive into the Expensive Prudie archives and share a collection of basic letters with our readers. Be part of Slate Plus for much more recommendation columns.

Expensive Prudence,

My mother-in-law has all the time doted on our 3-year-old daughter. She has stunning blond hair, and my mother-in-law likes to brush it, braid it, and costume my daughter up like a doll so she will stage images. I all the time thought this was borderline ridiculous, however my spouse doesn’t have an issue with it. Not too long ago my daughter was enjoying with my sister’s youngsters and ended up getting an enormous quantity of gum in her hair. Youngsters are youngsters. My sister apologized and paid for the haircut once we couldn’t get all of the gum out. My daughter has a pixie minimize now. My spouse was upset, however her mom turned on the waterworks—precise sobbing over a child’s haircut. She upset my daughter a lot that she began crying too.

My spouse stored apologizing, her mom stored up the hysterics, and I informed my mother-in-law she wanted to get a grip and that hair grows again. My mother-in-law snapped at me after which used a racial slur to explain my nephews (they’re biracial). I informed her to go away my home. She apologized later. My spouse has a tough time sustaining boundaries along with her mother as a result of the lady is a bulldozer. I need these photograph shoots over, and I don’t need her to have unsupervised contact with our daughter. My spouse thinks I’m being too harsh. Am I? I might often ask my household for recommendation, however I clearly can’t on this scenario. —Danny M. Lavery

From: “Help! My Mother-in-Law Dresses My Daughter Like a Doll and Stages Creepy Photo Shoots.” (Nov. 7, 2019)

Expensive Prudence,

A 12 months and a half in the past I started relationship an incredible man with whom I had been pals for a number of years. We’re each in our late 20s, and a month after we acquired concerned I defined that if we had been to proceed relationship he wanted to grasp that I didn’t ever need to have youngsters. He considered it and informed me he by no means actually noticed himself having youngsters both and the (non)subject was settled. His dad and mom separated when he was little and I’ve hung out with each of his households who’ve welcomed me with open arms. Throughout a BBQ at his father’s home, his dad had a number of beers and tipsily admitted he can’t wait to have grandchildren. He sensed my discomfort and requested “You don’t need to have youngsters?” and I gently defined that it wasn’t one thing I noticed in my future. He has by no means introduced it up since and continues to be heat and alluring to me. My boyfriend is his dad’s solely youngster. His mom has a daughter by her second marriage who’s autistic. I’ve come to the belief that I might be ruining his dad and mom’ solely likelihood at grandchildren, and I really feel horrible about it. I haven’t introduced it as much as my boyfriend as a result of I’m sure he would reply that that is his determination and his dad and mom will simply have to just accept it. Whereas that’s definitely true, I can’t assist feeling responsible that I’m taking away the possibility for his fantastic dad and mom to be fantastic grandparents. The sensation is so robust that typically I feel I ought to simply let my boyfriend go whereas we’re nonetheless younger so he can discover somebody who can abdomen the considered youngsters. What ought to I do and the way do I cease this tidal wave of guilt?

It’s admirably delicate of you to think about the implications of your determination to your boyfriend’s household. Realizing a grown youngster won’t ever have offspring could be a main psychological blow to the dad and mom. It’s significantly intense if that grown youngster is an solely youngster. (Your boyfriend’s mom does even have a daughter, however that youngster’s diploma of incapacity could preclude her from having youngsters.) Good for you for having this inner debate, however now it’s time to make it exterior. You merely have to incorporate your boyfriend in your thought course of. I agree he’ll in all probability dismiss your fears and say having youngsters isn’t for him. However I’m involved that whereas your need to stay child-free is well-considered and long-standing, his might not be. In case you’d mentioned early on that having youngsters was essential to you, and wherever your relationship in the end went you needed to ensure he was somebody who shared that need, I’m betting he would have come again to you and mentioned he noticed himself changing into a father. You’re younger and in love, and being youthful and besotted makes it exhausting to give attention to summary points like parenthood, particularly when your circle of two appears so full. It’s worthwhile to inform your boyfriend in regards to the trade along with your father. Clarify to him his dad has by no means talked about it once more, however your conscience has been pricked by this and you might be troubled. Inform him you’re not asking for reassurance or a declaration of how completely happy he’s with you. You might be asking that he actually ponder what it could imply to him, and sure even to his dad and mom, in the event you two had been to remain collectively and by no means have youngsters. I’ve gotten many heartbroken letters from individuals who thought they had been a part of a pair who shared the identical views on having youngsters, solely to discover a associate had modified his or her thoughts. This has gone each methods: somebody who by no means needed youngsters experiencing a compelling and surprising need for them; or somebody who all the time assumed youngsters could be the pure development realizes they aren’t. There’s no means to make sure this gained’t occur to any couple. However with a choice as profound as this one, it’s essential that each folks really feel it was arrived at after the deepest thought. —Emily Yoffe

From: “Help! My Boyfriend Is His Parents’ Only Hope for Grandchildren—but I Don’t Want Kids.” (June 6, 2013)

Expensive Prudence,

My husband and I exploit flavored safety—not as a result of we significantly take pleasure in it, however as a result of it’s the one form our native public library provides out. Not too long ago, I discovered our 11-year-old son with one among our condoms in his mouth! Internally, I freaked out, however I calmed myself down and defined to him that condoms aren’t sweet. Apparently, he took a liking to them as a result of he acquired into our stash once more and took an ungodly quantity. I proceeded to cover the condoms and reprimand my son. I assumed that was the tip of that, however a couple of week later I obtained an electronic mail from the mother of one among George’s pals telling me that George had been buying and selling my flavored condoms for meals objects at lunchtime! I need to put an finish to this conduct, however I don’t need to pour chilly water on my son’s entrepreneurial spirit. What ought to I do?

First, the excellent news: Listed here are a number of searchable online indexes of the place to seek out free condoms, so that you don’t should rely solely on the flavored selection on the public library. The opposite excellent news—I assume it’s all excellent news at present!—is that that is fairly age-appropriate roguishness, and never one thing it’s a must to fear an excessive amount of about. By all means, proceed to maintain the condoms someplace inaccessible to your child, since you don’t need to get a whole lot of updates from the college cafeteria. In case you’re apprehensive he nonetheless has a number of additional squirreled away in his jacket pocket or in his bed room, he’s nonetheless younger sufficient that you would be able to pull rank, undergo his stuff, and do away with the remaining stash. However deal with it the way in which you’d any low-level contraband, reasonably than a dire menace. There’s nothing evil or scary about condoms, and also you don’t have to panic that your child’s going to show right into a intercourse fiend or corrupt his classmates. He’ll discover different stuff to commerce at lunch, I’m positive. He feels like a fairly resourceful child. —D.L.

From: “Help! My Son Keeps Stealing My Flavored Condoms.” (Dec. 19, 2020)

Expensive Prudence,

My girlfriend has had numerous beauty surgical procedures and just lately she insisted I’ve a facelift. She was embarrassed by my “aged look” (we’re each 37). I reluctantly agreed and spent hundreds of {dollars} for the process. I used to be even (comparatively) happy with the outcomes. Now my girlfriend has decided that one among my toes is “hideously crooked.” She needs it surgically corrected. I refuse to have what I take into account one other pointless surgical procedure (the toe barely curves and I’ve had no ache or points). My girlfriend is horrified that I will likely be out and about carrying flip-flops with my hideous toe for all to see. She informed me I had a selection—her or the toe. Once I informed her I select the toe, she agreed to remain if I solely put on closed-toe sneakers. Eternally. I ought to point out that for 37 she has an incredible physique. What do you suppose?

After all your facelift turned out properly—there was nothing to elevate. Stick with this lady and I predict a future during which you find yourself like Michael Jackson, having to consistently put on a bandage in your nostril due to all of your botched surgical procedures. Your girlfriend could have a terrific physique—she’s certainly paid sufficient for it—however I’ll play physician and recommend she could have Body Dysmorphic Disorder, and as regards her calls for about you, let’s add BDD-by-proxy to her listing of illnesses. You realize there’s nothing improper with both your face or your toe, however one thing’s gone awry along with your head. Irrespective of the glory of your girlfriend’s beauty enhancements, she’s a nut who’s going to destroy your life. Consider the probabilities of what’s subsequent: an earlobe trim, a scrotum tuck. I say put in your flip-flops with delight and inform her to take a hike. —E.Y.

From: “Help! A Student Confessed to Me That Senior Professors Pay Her for Sex.” (June 26, 2014)

Extra Recommendation From Expensive Prudence

I work at a small nonprofit with a terrific, accepting tradition. Now we have a number of staff who establish at numerous locations alongside the gender and sexuality spectrums, and it’s never been an issue.