My co-worker retains insinuating that I am a creep

Each week, Expensive Prudence solutions extra questions from readers, only for Slate Plus members. Submit questions here. (It’s nameless!)

Q. Not a Pedophile—And Uninterested in Attempting to Show It: I’ve a brand new job (I’m about 6 months in) that I fairly take pleasure in. It’s a brand new profession and business for me and I really feel prefer it’s one I want to pursue for the rest of my skilled life. I’m a single, homosexual man (he/him) in my mid-30s and got here out at my office after a month or two there. There have been no issues, though it’s clear lots of my co-workers haven’t had a lot contact with homosexual males. I’m in part of the South the place politics are blended and a few of my new co-workers are very a lot wrapped up within the extra conspiratorial fringes of the correct wing. For probably the most half, everybody voices their opinions solely to different fellow-minded individuals.

However there may be one girl—one who I might virtually name a buddy in some respects—who appears to suppose that I might probably be a pedophile and has introduced it up in very oblique, however pointed, methods quite a lot of instances.

She is rarely instantly accusatory; the tone of her voice is usually that she is “simply checking” or “simply ensuring” that I’m, I don’t know, not excited by anybody who isn’t age-appropriate. If I say one thing like “Clearly he’s round my age,” she’ll then do a type of Southern “OK…” which signifies an absence of conviction in somebody’s denial. Or she’ll nod her head like “OK, that is good, he’s constant about NOT being a pedophile.”

Worse: I’ve a possibility to do a program for youthful children. It could look superb on my resume and I theoretically suppose I might be good at this type of program. I might take pleasure in being round children and educating them about one thing I actually take pleasure in. However she is certainly bizarre about it at instances! Different instances, she is under no circumstances and could be very encouraging. It appears some days I journey her warning indicators and different days I don’t. I’m uninterested in it.

If I think about taking this to HR or to my boss, I might really feel like I had nothing concrete to fall again on. Her questions or feedback barely benefit the time period “insinuation,” and I’ve not been maintaining information of them, in any case. However on the identical time…I do know precisely what she is “checking on” and the actual fact it all the time appears to be an open query for her is beginning to put on on me. I don’t actually know find out how to handle this or if I ought to. Weirdly, apart from this, we have now a reasonably good and even humorous working relationship and I’m loath to disturb that. Our shared humorousness is without doubt one of the few issues maintaining a blended political crew working effectively collectively. However I’m uninterested in having this query type of, form of, but in addition continually raised, round me, and he or she has a couple of different far-right, conspiracy-minded co-workers who, if this catches on, might make my life very troublesome.

A: I actually hate it after I catch myself sounding just like the unhelpful mother or father of a center college scholar, urging them to “simply ignore” the bully who’s making their life depressing. However I’m tempted to let you know to please simply ignore this girl and her unusual, gross, deeply offensive feedback. Severely, create a long way. Restrict the data you give her. She doesn’t want or deserve to listen to something about your private life. Don’t react to her remarks. I’m sorry there’s such an honest individual drought at your office however she is not your buddy. She is fixated in your doubtlessly being a pedophile! “Politics are blended” doesn’t imply “I’ve to endure individuals treating me like shit.” Pop your headphones on, do your work, and discover precise buddies who see your humanity.

However superb: You say you take pleasure in your relationship along with her, and I’ve to take your phrase for it. So on the very least, name her out on what she’s doing, a bit not directly—in a method that makes her slightly uncomfortable however received’t trigger her to cry and say you accused her of being a foul individual and didn’t respect her views: “Oh my God, Susan, the best way you requested that query was virtually such as you thought I used to be a pedophile! I used to be so confused for a minute. However you have been simply making enjoyable of a few of these wacko conspiracy theorists we work with and their gross and ignorant concepts about homosexual individuals, proper? You have been being humorous, as traditional. Proper?? [Hard stare].”

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